Mark Twain (1835-1910) quotes

• A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.
• A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
• A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.
• A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read.
• Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.
• Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.
• Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
• Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
• Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
• Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.
• Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
• Don't tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish.
• Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
• I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell, you see, I have friends in both places.
• If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
• It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts I do understand.
• It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them.
• It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
• It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions.
• It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
• Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
• Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
• Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting up blossoms.
• Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.
• Such is the human race, often it seems a pity that Noah... didn't miss the boat.
• The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
• The lack of money is the root of all evil.
• The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.
• There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one, keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy.
• When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
• Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.